Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Jackalope

It’s surprising to me how many are still so curious about the existance of the jackalope here in the desert southwest. So, I thought I’d share a bit of information regarding this rare and illusive creature.

The jackalope is a rare hybrid of the pygmy-deer and a species of "killer rabbit". Female jackalopes can be milked as they sleep belly up and the milk can be used for a variety of medicinal purposes. It has also known that the jackalope can convincingly imitate any sound, including the human voice. It uses this ability to elude pursuers, chiefly by using phrases such as "There he goes! That way!" The jackalope may be caught by putting a flask of whiskey out at night. The jackalope will drink its fill of whiskey and its intoxication will make it easier to hunt – the meat tastes very similar to lobster. And, if you find yourself in my part of the country, there are special tours and guides that will take you right to the jackalopes’ natural habitat. Careful though, they can be quite dangerous when approached. Read on; Hilma Volk’s poem, Jackalope, will enlighten you further.

Jackalope
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

"Are there jackalope around here?"
The dude from Chicago asked.
"Well up here there's too much elevation;
They're down on sagebrush flats."

"Course the females don't have antlers.
Males shed theirs in early spring.
They'll bed down during the day
And come out in the late evening.

"They're masters of camouflage,
When scared they'll lay out flat.
Them antlers blend in like a bush,
An' they're silent as a cat.

"They're pretty cunning creatures, too,
Like if a coyote's giving chase,
A different one will whistle
An' throw him off his pace.

"They say they're mostly loners
But I've seen them in a pack
An' make a circle, antlers out,
To fend off a dog attack."

The Chicago man looked quite confused.
He said, "You're a pretty good liar
'Cause we both know they're a myth
Dreamed up 'round some campfire."

"Not so," I said, "they're real enough.
Every word I said was true.
Why, Friday night at the Longhorn
They'll serve up Jack'lope stew.

"And Max Green, the taxidermist,
Has a whole bunch he has trapped.
An' there's photos at the gallery
That you can get gift wrapped."

He said, "I want to see one alive."
"You'll need binocs and a good spot light.
Best time and place to see 'em
Is Rattler Flats at night."

He asked if I'd be his guide.
I drawled, "For a hundred buck
I'll guarantee you'll see least one.
If not, I'm out of luck."

Next night our light reflected eyes.
I said, "Look, there's a doe."
"Malarkey, that's a rabbit!"
"Nope, there's differences, ya know.

"Like see that faint stripe on the back
Or that light spot on the chest.
Them are jackalope for sure.
But a buck will be our quest.

"Them males are awful wary
'Cause they're hunted all the time.
Ain't no season on them,
An' right now them horns is prime.

"Look there!" I shined the scope,
"That there rack's a pretty sight."
"I don't see a thing," he said.
"Scan that bush that's on the right."

"I see it, yes I see it!
But wait, it doesn't budge."
"You wouldn't either if you was hunted,
You big fat tub of fudge."

We went on and spied three more.
"Them ain't fiction," I rebuffed.
Still them jack'lope didn't move.
He declared, "I think they're stuffed."

He sneered, "Let's go out there.
If they're real, they swill scoot."
Said I, "No one goes out on Rattler Flats
Lest they're wearing snake proof boot."

He stayed in the truck a grumblin'
Till I shone another critter
Whose head was slowly turning
An' his right ear gave a twitter.

The man left town that next day.
I handed Max Green fifty.
In my pocket's a big bonus tip.
Yep, mechanical things are nifty.

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10 comments:

snake said...

Hello, looking on Google for Snake wine information I found your website, do you have anything more posted here related to Snake wine liquor ?
Snake wine is shown there:
http://www.asiansnakewine.com/

Thanks a lot for your help.

Tony Single said...

Heh heh... Me-Me, I see that you've written this post with tongue firmly in cheek. Very naughty! :p

Ram Venkatararam said...

Thanks for the post. Very nice and apparently drawing the "snake wine" crowd. I'm impressed. Snake wine goes well with jackalope I understand.

Liz said...

Fun story! It's amazing what the city folk will believe! My daughter and I love Jackalopes. She has a stuffed toy one. Love ya!

Wizard said...

Are jackalopes allowed to run for office?

Spiritual Blogger said...

What about rum?! Do they drink rum? Not that it has anything to do with anything... just curious. ;-)

Me-Me King said...

@Snake - Sorry, no snake wine here.

@Tony - I've seen them, I swear.

@Ram - Yes, I imagine it would given the number of rattlesnakes around here.

@Liz - They are cute little creatures aren't they?

@Wizard - Well, if you know anthing about Arizona politics, a jackalope in office would be an improvement.

@Scott - Yes, they do love rum, especially Meyer's Dark Rum - oh, wait a minute...

alantru said...

I'm pretty sure the jackalops is a myth... Now the dino-kitty. That's the real deal. Keep your eyes out for them. I leave bowls of cream and sacrificial virgins outside my front door in hopes of luring one in. Not sure what I'll do if one ever arrves. But that's another day.

Me-Me King said...

@Alan - Now, Alan, I've actually seen the jacakalope. Have you actually seen the dino-kitty? I believe you are wasting perfectly good cream.

alantru said...

Good point... Not to mention the endless search for sacrificial virgins. I mean, there's me... But after that, then what?

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